My dad worked incredibly well internally and was essentially the primary coder. Of the 27 patents his company held, my dad did almost all the work for 17 of them. His biggest internal issue was not being able to get rid of old technology, so there were two offices filled with old junk that would keep him from complaining.

As a worker, my dad was not toxic at all, possibly a little quirky. Now as a father… I’d definitely agree with the word “toxic.”

So I’d like to submit a correction to your statement about my dead father: he kind of sucked

“Hey boss, @[email protected] says they don’t like the new telephones? Says they’re made for kids or something.”

@[email protected]: I still don’t know why I was fired… The boss kept telling me to shove the phone system? Maybe they meant push? Was I supposed to work on some branch of the phone system?

That sounds like one of those “okay, I know you want the field there, so it’s mandatory for me to include it, but is it mandatory for your customers to enter values in this field? If your customers can leave the field blank, is that good or bad?”

Hey everybody, there’s a shit cloud coming! Run for your lives!

I wouldn’t trust Musk for anything!

Not for a million dollars, not for a Brazilian dollars, not even for a trillion dollars!

My father was an incredible genius with a terrible temper. He softened up over time and eventually would talk to clients politely. And then he died. The end.

My dad once called a client stupid for continuing to ask for a feature that made no sense. Technically, he asked “why would you want that? What, are you stupid?”

Then he got chewed out by his boss who told him that clients who ask questions aren’t stupid. My dad told her that the client asked a stupid question. His boss told him that it wasn’t a stupid question, that she thought it was a very good question from an uninformed client. So then my dad called his boss stupid.

Then he got sent to sensitivity training. He completed the mandatory hours, got his certificate, and a letter recognizing his difficulties with reasonable discourse vs arguing and calling people stupid. The instructor recommended that my dad shouldn’t interface directly with any clients anymore. So they made my dad’s younger brother his supervisor since he could translate my dad’s comments and questions into more diplomatic terms.

ETA: this story was from the '80s. He got better over time.

They’re called Canada geese, not Canadian geese. Make sure you insult those fuckers with the right name.

Bigotry is what Bostonians ask for when trying to find the perfect Christmas tree for their family

What’s Magic Head doing there?

“Here, lick my knife.”

“No.”

“Please?”

“Still no. Who puts a knife in their mouth? If you’re trying to poison me, maybe you should put poison on the rim of a stein and offer me some ale.”

“I’m the worst assassin ever…”

I don’t know what accent you intended to communicate, but I definitely heard it in my head

That’s one of my favorite episodes. I felt so understood. I started taking pictures of animals’ butts when I mistimed a pic of a hippo swimming by. I was so amused that it was unlike any other photo you’d normally see of a hippo, but you knew it was a hippo. So I expanded to other animals.

After one trip, I mentioned to my family that I got photos of over 14 animals’ butts and my sister said “great, you can make a calendar now.” And so it all began.

90% of my search history is animal anuses.

While I’m totally joking, I for realsies create calendars filled with pictures of animal’s butts that I take at the zoo

Vs the usual octopus in anus or octopus anus insertion?

They’re hypocrites if they sue. Can’t get upset when a fascist doesn’t follow the rules.

Yes, you can enter an octopus’ mouth, wriggle around through its digestive tract, and exit their anus. And when you’re done, you can eat the octopus shreds from it popping like a you-filled balloon.

Why wouldn’t they be? They witnessed it first-hand!

Stomach virus and food poisoning

They could also increase their attractive power by stacking multiple bears. Also, if you line up too many snout-to-snout and butt-to-butt, you have an increasing risk of the line becoming unstable and then cascading into a lumpy disorganized mass of polar bears.