Either way, I’m in a bad situation. I’ll act under the assumption been framed for the murder.

Do not touch anything, don’t leave anything that would indicate my presence in there. Do not attempt to even rearrange the scene to make it seem I wasn’t there. It’s already too late for that. All I can do now is to minimize any additional traces of my presence.

Drink some water. Find some random container that won’t be missed and won’t be conspicuous, maybe something from the rubbish bin, and fill it with drinking water. Do not take anything from the fridge. The point is to minimize any evidence that could point towards me.

The clothes might be a problem. Washing it could work, but it might be easier to just tear the bloodied parts or otherwise just go without the top layer of clothes. Do not throw them away inside the house, but be prepared to scatter them later.

Don’t leave at night. It’d be too conspicuous. The middle of the day, when everyone is either at work or busy having their lunch, works better. Take just enough water to not die of thirst. The point is not to attract too much attention.

When ready, leave. Don’t take the car, just walk. Don’t look too suspicious, but don’t act too casual either—better yet, don’t act at all. However, be cautious. There might be someone watching, following. Don’t take any drastic steps, just walk. If choosing to dispose of the bloodied clothes (or portion of clothes), casually dispose of them in pieces in different garbage bins I may encounter.

I will be walking until I reach the nearest urban area, but basically assuming that:

• I’m being framed for the murder, and so going to the police isn’t going to help
• I’m basically a “dead person” from that point on. My options are down to
  • try to survive being a beggar. there might be a way to claw my way out of this but being a wanted person makes it nearly impossible. staying a beggar, and hence invisible from the rest of society might be better
  • find a way out of the situation in my own terms

Thinking about it, maybe it’d be easier if I just join the dead guy.

Well I’m a trans American. So I’m gonna run because if I tell the cops what happened the better scenarios involve dying quickly

Find gloves, wear them, make it look like a robbery gone wrong, take a backpack, take the phone, laptop, anything valuable, check the map so I can understand where I am, locally download to the laptop and disconnect from the internet, throw the phone somewhere else in the distance, go to the nearest road.

Depending on how rural it is, I’ll either be near a vacation spot or in middle of mountains, reach any village possible, stay there for a day to gather myself and prepare for a journey home, take the local bus to the city and go home from there.

if everything goes right, the only thing that would have my fingerprint is the gloves I wore, I live too far to be considered, tear apart the laptop, shred the drive, keep everything else at home.

in the worst case scenario, the police would find the hut just a few hours after I leave, track the signal of the phone associated with the person (they do that) and find an abandoned phone, if they block off any nearby road, I may be fucked, abandon every valuable except the laptop in this scenario and hope for the best

So no one knows I’m here? I’d head upstairs to a bedroom and sleep for 24 hours without the kids bothering me.

I attempt to seduce the corpse

My first thought is that someone else brought the two of us here to kill us. They already got this stranger, and they’re coming back to kill me too.

So, I’d quietly gather some survival supplies and sneak out of the house. Once I can hide far enough away from the house, I’d find a phone and call the police.

It doesn’t even cross my mind that I could be the killer until someone accuses me of it. I’ve never met that person, so why would I even lay a finger on them? I’d just tell people what I know as accurately as I can. No, I don’t know how I got there, honest!

“why does this keep happening to me ?”

Throwaway account: “…asking for a friend.”

That sounds like the beginnings of a modern adaptation of the game Zork

I am playing GTA V and have just swapped players to Trevor and I will continue playing as such

I would check in any case whether the person is really dead.
I would look around for other people.
Next I would try to find out where I am.
Then probably call the police with the person’s phone.

No, I would never assume that I have done a murder.

And yes, our police works differently than the one in Hollywood movies.

It is difficult to write exactly what a person would do in such a case, most people can write one thing, but if this really happened to them, it is highly likely that they would act differently. I don’t see the point of trying to run away or hide the crime, neither morally nor logically, the only good idea is to call the police, in any case, even if you try to hide the murder, murder is a murder, you know, a crime, and secondly, it may come up in the future and you will have bigger problems.

Immediately close all the windows, lock the doors, and check the body for maggots. Checking the body for maggots will clearly indicate about how long they have been deceased. With the windows and doors blocking out view from the outside, you can then use this information to make the critical decision of whether to have intercourse with the corpse or not.

I’d probably remove the knife and plunge it into my own chest. This all feels like way too much work to deal with.

I was with you with this thought experiment until the teleportation part and knowing that you weren’t drugged. In this situation, you couldn’t possibly know that at the time and that really changes things from a bizarre but realistic scenario to one involving aliens or some such.