its been 5 years.

fuck.

I’ve wanted to transition for a 4th of my life now and I still don’t have enough control over my life to be me.

i would probably hate myself so much less if i had started hrt and transitioning when i wanted to.

rant over ill probably delete this post i just needed to vent im sorry

  • girlthing@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
    3·
    2 days ago

    I’m in a similar situation.

    I tell myself I’m acting out of self-preservation, but it’s really just fear. I don’t have the courage to face the shit that happens to out trans people.

    I do think that fear is justified given my specific situation, and I do think that if I can somehow manage not to go off the deep end for the next few… years🫠… I have a chance of getting myself into a safer and less scary situation, where I can hopefully start to live as myself.

    …except I could be wrong - I could die tomorrow anyway, or the safety I’m seeking could cease to exist soon, or maybe I’ll just never find what I’m looking for unless I ignore my fear and dive headfirst into the unknown.

    It’s hard. And I don’t have the answers. Just wanted you to know you’re not alone. (And I felt less alone thanks to your rant, so don’t apologize.)