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One year I had a house party with around 80 people. The church across the street (uphill) called the cops on me - twice. So on Halloween I burned a pentagram into my front lawn with a cleaning agent iirc(?) for them to gaze down upon for the next two months until it snowed. They never bothered me again after that. It’s good to set boundaries.
I’d have that framed and hang it up every year as a badge of honor. This person won Halloween 👏👏👏
“Satan impregnates his bride” is a new one. I hope the pregnancy goes well for them lol
Especially, as the sender is most likely anti-abortion.
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lol that got me too . like… I’m pretty sure you made that up
I’d adapt the decorations to include an unholy marriage theme.
If this isn’t fake,
What gets me is, this is coming from a fundamentalist, but no where in the bible is Halloween mentioned. They’re angry about fan fiction.
Lots of them don’t even read the Bible. At least in my experience. They just spew whatever they hear in their circles, a lot of which is headcanon. Heck they don’t even follow one of Jesus’s big things, love thy neighbor.
In what fictional D-list movie universe do they live in where satan impregnates a bride on Halloween?
Also I thought Satan was evil… wouldnt it make more sense for him to impregnate someone who isn’t his bride, perhaps even through non consensual means?
If you’re going to be the face of evil might as well do the sin part properly.
Right? At least make it sex before marriage!
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Every year. How many anti-Christs are there at this point?
Well obviously Satan gets an abortion every time
God damnit, take my upvote.
The irony is it probably stems from some pagan belief and has nothing to do with Christianity.
Halloween is not a fertility festival, it is a fall harvest festival. Like Oktoberfest.
The fertility festival is in Spring, and it’s called May Day.
The Oktoberfest is not a fertility festival. It was created to celebrate a royal wedding. The German fertility festival is called „Erntedank“ (~“thanks for the harvest”).
Yeah I know. It just doesn’t sound like anything in the Bible so I assume it’s some weird bastardization of paganism. Or just completely made up.
I’m only saying this because all the cool parts of “Christian” holidays like the Easter bunny and much of Christmas come straight from paganism.
*Beltane
I’m familiar with paganism, that doesn’t make sense either
Paganism is just a Christian catch-all though for all non-abrahamic religions.
umm through the lens of Christianity sure
It’s a word coined by Christians specifically to convey that idea, so yea that’s usually the lens we’d be talking about when using the term
Satan is married?
If I got a letter like this I would put up a decoration of a big foam Satan “hugging” his bride. Since it’s not technically obscene they can’t remove it without banning all religious imagery in the area, win:win. I might even keep it up permanently.
Won’t somebody think of
the childrenSatan rawdogging?Laminate it and add it as a decoration.
I think it would work better with one of those laser decoration projectors everyone’s got these days. Hang a sheet on the garage door and make it huge so you can read it while driving by. Add an animation of blood dripping down the edges. Or Satan rawdogging his bride, whichever.
What’s this about Satan’s bride?
Where the fuck does this “the time Satan impregnates his bride” shit come from.
A lot of these religious zealots tend to straight make shit up, usually about connections to hell/devil/Lucifer. Everything they don’t like is somehow connected to Lucifer or Hell. It’s usually a control mechanism.
I once had someone try to tell me that ‘lol’ meant ‘league of Lucifer’ as opposed to ‘laugh out loud’, which is ironically exactly what I did when I heard this.
It’s almost like all religious shit is just made up to control people.
I wouldn’t disagree if I’m honest. You only have to look through history to find a multitude of examples.
These types of zealots take it to…weird levels. Not necessarily new or unprecedented, just…weird. Even more nonsensical than the base religion.
Core religion is, for the most part, the whack ass manipulation people pulled out of their ass that was deemed fit to put in written words and hold onto for more than the week or three after some hack-job con artist said it without thinking.
Illiterate thieves stuck at typewriters for millennia and they call it “scripture”.
They do make shit up, but it becomes “canon” if enough people believe it. Turns out the latest Christian trend is to criticize “Pauline”. https://m.imdb.com/title/tt27433128/plotsummary/?ref_=tt_ov_pl
That was the answer they were looking for; They do this with every horror movie/ series, though.
They did this with ‘Lucifer’ too, a cop drama where the lord of darkness…solves crimes
I had an uncle who told me that if I got an earring it was satanic and my mom said the same thing about a ponytail.
Christianity somehow gets dumber as time goes on and I don’t know how they accomplish this.
If I ever encounter someone making stuff up like that, I want to ask them to back it up with the Bible, because I have a very strong feeling they’re going more on gut instinct than scripture.
I only hear about these kinds of people online, though. Well, except the one time I heard a guy condemning Magic: The Gathering, but he was at least making sensible points about it.
They just block you. They aren’t looking for a debate, they look to be validated through the identity they craft for themselves.
I meant in person. I haven’t had trouble dealing with this kind of person online in the few times I’ve interacted with them, probably because they give me the benefit of the doubt for being a Christian myself.
It’ll be like playing chess with a pigeon. They’ll just shit all over the board and strut like theyve won.
These people don’t follow the Bible. They follow what their pastor/parents/husbands say and hang onto every word unquestioningly like it was literally gospel. They won’t hear a single word against them or their teachings… They’re the definition of brainwashed.
Does it have to be xtian shit because I’m kind of working on a pastafatian spinoff that would work around worshiping delicious food and also maybe I could run a restaurant
For me it does, because Christianity is the only religion I can truthfully claim to be a fellow believer in.
You don’t believe good food is godly? Heretic! (ง’̀-'́)ง
Not godly, but a gift from God at least.
We’re gonna have to have this out over some gyros
I have and it doesn’t matter. Neurology backs me up on this. You and your god believe exactly the same thing. The Bible isn’t there to tell people what to believe it is to confirm what they already “know”.
I’ve been corrected by the Bible before. The big reason my beliefs line up with the Bible so well is because I’ve dedicated myself to following what it teaches and grew up around people who legitimately do the same.
The entire field of neurology backing you up on the idea that I reshape my idea of God to suit whatever I want to believe doesn’t explain me reshaping what I believe to match God.
Uh huh right. So why are you on the internet? You should have given away all your possessions and just depend on God.
Consider the lilies, they toil not, nor do they spin.
Sorry for the textwall. Bible context and explanation, y’know.
John 21:3-12:
Simon Peter said, “I’m going fishing.”
“We’ll come, too,” they all said. So they went out in the boat, but they caught nothing all night.
At dawn Jesus was standing on the beach, but the disciples couldn’t see who he was. He called out, “Fellows, have you caught any fish?”
“No,” they replied.
Then he said, “Throw out your net on the right-hand side of the boat, and you’ll get some!” So they did, and they couldn’t haul in the net because there were so many fish in it.
Then the disciple Jesus loved said to Peter, “It’s the Lord!” When Simon Peter heard that it was the Lord, he put on his tunic (for he had stripped for work), jumped into the water, and headed to shore. The others stayed with the boat and pulled the loaded net to the shore, for they were only about a hundred yards from shore. When they got there, they found breakfast waiting for them—fish cooking over a charcoal fire, and some bread.
“Bring some of the fish you’ve just caught,” Jesus said. So Simon Peter went aboard and dragged the net to the shore. There were 153 large fish, and yet the net hadn’t torn.
“Now come and have some breakfast!” Jesus said.Jesus never told them to give away their net or boats. It was through the fishing equipment they had and the work they did that he provided for their needs.
My laptop and internet connection are how God provides for my needs, by allowing me to have work as a programmer and enough income to survive and pay for my college education, which will in turn allow me to get better pay so I can give more to the poor. That, and it gives me access to the largest mission field I’ll ever reach.
Excess possessions should be given to the poor, yes, but wisdom is required in all things. I can do more for the Kingdom with the internet than I could with the few hundred dollars I might earn by selling my laptop.
Gotcha. How convenient for you. Your moral code requires you to act exactly how you want to act.
Do you get it now? You want a computer programming degree and your god wants you to have a computer programming degree. They always match up! You didn’t align yourself with the Bible, you quote mined to find the text that backed up the decision you were already going to make.
And hey I am not even judging. I was a theist. I did the same thing. Turned out God wanted me to become a Biblical Scholar and then God changed his mind and decided I could serve better an as engineer. Which coincidentally happened the moment I found out what the pay difference was. I remember exactly how you feel now. Feeling like the creator of the fucking universe gave a shit if I jerked off or not.
Do what you want. Prayer is just talking to yourself. Hope you see the light one day. Face existence, cold unfeeling, indifferent, but real.
Those must be some bitchin decorations.
Speak for yourself, I love Spooktober: Oktoberfest beer, pumpkin spice, cozy sweaters, spooky stories and spooky decorations for Halloween… the list goes on.
Nextdoor rage bait is trending
