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If you just called them “a dick” maybe that would be comparable, as it stands it’s more like calling someone “a fatass”.
And if my comments are long it’s less because I take umbrage with a specific phrase and more because I take umbrage with the idea that you can somehow dictate the implications of your speech based off of your intent. If you want to argue that the phrase “small dick energy” isn’t a big deal then be my guest. I honestly don’t think I would disagree, at the very least there’s far worse things going on right now.
But when someone points out that something you said can have unfavorable interpretations thinking “wow how dare they try to psychoanalyze me over a single internet comment, they should know that’s not what I meant” isn’t a good attitude to have. Once something leaves your mouth (or the tips of your fingers) it exists independently of you, and it has all sorts of implications and effects whether you want it to or not, especially when you’re talking to strangers. This is something I wish I could go back in time and tell my younger self.
EDIT: it’s true that sometimes people can go too far in grabbing the worst interpretation of something they can, running with it, and deciding the person needs to be punished for that. But this isn’t an example of that.
My thinking here doesn’t have to do with being polite or individual instances of hurting individual feelings. It’s really easy to fall into the trap of thinking on this case-by-case basis, but the world doesn’t just consist of you and the one person who has a 0.001% chance of getting their feelings hurt by one interaction.
It has more to do with the fact that when you put toxic shit out into the world you are actively making it worse. For example, every time someone who’s “not a racist” makes a biggoted joke actual biggots get a little bit more bold. And every time someone conflates being considerate of the implications of their actions with having a small penis toxic masculinity gets reinforced a little bit more.
It’s like littering, no single person does much harm by themselves but the cumulative effect is pretty bad. So, I’m not trying to put you down or verbally joust you. I’m trying to make sure a place that I care about, --this community-- remains a pleasant place for everyone. And since we’re both here, and we both dislike misogyny, we probably have pretty similar worldviews and we probably care about this place a similar amount. I hope that means we can work together instead of fighting.
To that end I want to say that I’ve tried to be polite and diplomatic. If I’ve come across as smug or something then I’m sorry. And I realize that the person that initially replied to you was a bit of an ass, but that’s no reason to take it out on me.