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Joined 1 year ago
Cake day: June 30th, 2023
  • Perrin42@kbin.socialtoGreentext@sh.itjust.works•Anon is an instigator
    173·
    8 months ago

    Reminds me of this old joke: https://www.jokebuddha.com/joke/You_are_a_Jerk_This_one

    “You are a Jerk (This one is a real goody guys!)” joke
    Jerks by Patrick Hanifin (Reproduced without permission from the Humor Archives)
    Now get this. I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had to make. I found
    the number and dialed it. A man answered nicely saying, “Hello?”
    I politely said, “This is Patrick Hanifin and could I please speak to Robin Carter?” Suddenly
    the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn’t believe that anyone could be that rude.
    I tracked down Robin’s correct number and called her. She had transposed the last two digits.
    After I hung up with Robin, I spotted the wrong number still lying there on my desk. I decided
    to call it again. When the same person once more answered, I yelled “You’re a jerk!” and hung
    up.
    Next to his phone number I wrote the word “Jerk,” and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of
    weeks, when I was paying bills, or had a really bad day, I’d call him up. He’d answer, and then
    I’d yell, “You’re a jerk!” It would always cheer me up.
    Later in the year the phone company introduced caller ID. This was a real disappointment for me,
    I would have to stop calling the jerk. Then one day I had an idea. I dialed his number, then
    heard his voice, “Hello.”
    I made up a name. “Hi. This is Herman with the telephone company and I’m just calling to see if
    you’re familiar with our caller ID program?”
    He went, “No!” and slammed the phone down. I quickly called him back and said, “That’s because
    you’re a jerk!”
    And the reason I took the time to tell you this story, is to show you how if there’s ever
    anything really bothering you, you can do something about it. Just dial 555-4822.

    The old lady at the mall really took her time pulling out of the parking space. I didn’t think
    she was ever going to leave. Finally her car began to move and she started to very slowly back
    out of the stall. I backed up a little more to give her plenty of room to pull out. Great, I
    thought, she’s finally leaving.
    All of a sudden this black camaro come flying up the parking isle in the wrong direction and
    pulls into her space. I started honking my horn and yelling, “You can’t just do that, Buddy. I
    was here first!” The guy climbed out of his camaro completely ignoring me. He walked toward the
    mall as if he didn’t even hear me.
    I thought to myself, this guy’s a jerk, there’s sure a lot of jerks in this world. I noticed he
    had a For Sale sign in the back window of his car. I wrote down the number. Then I hunted for
    another place to park.
    A couple of days later, I’m at home sitting at my desk. I had just gotten off the phone after
    calling 555-4822 and yelling, “You’re a jerk!” (It’s really easy to call him now since I have
    his number on speed dial). I noticed the phone number of the guy with the black camaro lying on
    my desk and thought I’d better call this guy, too.
    After a couple rings someone answered the phone and said, “Hello.”
    I said, “Is this the man with the black camaro for sale?”
    “Yes it is.”
    “Can you tell me where I can see it?”
    "Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th street. It’s a yellow house and the car’s parked right out front.
    I said, “What’s your name?”
    “Don Hansen.”
    “Where do you live?”
    “1802 West 34th Street. It’s a yellow house and my black Camaro’s parked out front.”
    “I’m coming over right now, Don. You’d better start saying your prayers.”
    “Yeah, like I’m really scared, Jerk!” and I hung up.
    Then I called Jerk #2.
    He answered, “Hello.”
    I said, “Hello, Jerk!”
    He said, “If I ever find out who you are…”
    “You’ll what?”
    “I’ll kick your butt.”
    “Well, here’s your chance. I’m coming over right now Jerk!” And I hung up.
    Then I picked up the phone and called the police. I told them a big gang fight was going down at
    1802 West 34th Street. After that I climbed into my car and headed over to 34th Street to watch
    the whole thing.
    I turned onto 34th Street and parked my car under the shade of a tree half a block from Jerk
    #2’s house. There were two guys fighting out front. Suddenly there were about 12 police cars and
    a helicopter. The police wrestled the two men to the ground and took them away.
    A couple of months go by and I get a call for jury duty. I was picked to be on a trial of two
    guys charged with disorderly conduct. As luck would have it, it happened to be the same two
    guys. I might have influenced the jury, because when they announced the verdict, they said, “We
    the jury find the defendants to be guilty, and a couple of jerks!”