• captainlezbian@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        16
        arrow-down
        2
        ·
        1 year ago

        Unfortunately both anecdotal and statistical evidence have shown it to be unlikely. Incels and a certain type of abusive partners have a shared set of traits that allows one to easily switch between the two and back depending on if one has access to sex or not. Most notably among those traits is seeing women as things.

  • CADmonkey@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    84
    ·
    1 year ago

    It’s so wild how much I kept myself from meeting/talking to women and staying inside because I “knew” they wouldn’t like me.

    I worked up the nerve to ask a beautiful woman what she was doing after work, and this stunning 32 year old blonde actually blushed, she got nervous, and she invited me to her house where we hooked up. This gave me the confidence to ask another woman for her email address months later, and I’ve been happily married to that one for 14 years.

      • Signtist@lemm.ee
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        68
        ·
        1 year ago

        I’m a fat guy, and at 27 I was a virgin who didn’t shave or shower as often as I should, but one day I just decided to say “fuck it” and tried to look nice. I watched some instructional videos on how to shave correctly, got a good haircut, got some decent clothes from the thrift store that fit me well enough, started showering every day, took some standard pictures of myself doing various activities I enjoyed, and joined an online dating site.

        On the dating site, I spent hours reading every girls entire profile, even if I wasn’t fully attracted to some of them, just to get a sense of who they were and what they liked, and get some experience interacting with women; I sent each one a message that at least slightly referenced something from their profile. Most women never responded, and most that did stopped shortly thereafter, but after a couple weeks I was able to hold a few conversations, and schedule a few first dates. Within a few months I found a girl who responded, agreed to go on a date, and enjoyed herself enough to let me schedule a second. 6 years later, that woman is now my wife.

        You can be ugly as sin and still improve yourself to an acceptable level in just a couple weeks if you really try. My face, chest, and back are still covered in pock marks from the terrible acne I had throughout my teens and twenties - it started clearing up when I started showering regularly, but the scars are permanent - but my wife loves me anyway. Every year or 2 I have to go up a pants size because I’m still unable to get my eating habits under control, but my wife loves me anyway. Hell, my dick’s not very big and I mostly have to use other methods to get her off, but she appreciates the effort, and yes, she loves me anyway.

        You might hate yourself - I know I did - but that doesn’t mean nobody can love you. Even if you have no confidence, just go through the motions. Do what you think normal people do, and adjust as necessary if you come off as creepy at first. Make an effort and you’ll see results over time, I promise. That one day when I said “fuck it” was the most pivotal day of my life.

        • BlueFire@lemmy.ml
          link
          fedilink
          arrow-up
          30
          ·
          1 year ago

          I’m happy for you anon. And I’m glad you shared your piece. Hopefully others could learn that you need to take care of yourself first, be willing to learn about others and be original and be open minded, before start whining how the world is unfair to them, and nothing else can be done.

  • SharkEatingBreakfast@sopuli.xyz
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    68
    arrow-down
    5
    ·
    1 year ago

    Men gauging their worth based on if/how much they’ve had sex is such a fucking stupid concept.

    Let’s throw it away soon and replace it with something less toxic.

    • trafficnab@lemmy.ca
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      25
      arrow-down
      1
      ·
      edit-2
      1 year ago

      Men should base their worth on how many Pokémon cards they have collected

    • macaroni1556@lemmy.ca
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      15
      arrow-down
      2
      ·
      1 year ago

      Same for women based on having children.

      This may be a controversial take but some people suffer from overwhelming shame from not being able to have children or from having a miscarriage and are afraid to talk about it openly.

      It can be traumatic and they deserve support but the whole concept is based on women’s value as only for having children and they’re a failure without it. We need to move past this as a society.

      • SharkEatingBreakfast@sopuli.xyz
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        5
        arrow-down
        4
        ·
        1 year ago

        This is not a contest of men vs. women.

        Not being able to have children ≠ not being able to get your dick wet. It’s a much more personal and stems a lot from the choice of being able to have children being taken away from you.

        This is a post about equating sex with self-worth and how fucked up it is for both parties.

        • macaroni1556@lemmy.ca
          link
          fedilink
          arrow-up
          3
          arrow-down
          1
          ·
          1 year ago

          I’m not saying its a contest! It’s a shitty contest if it is. And it’s not a exact mirror of course. It’s just all part of the patriarchy and how it controls us.

    • chicken@lemmy.dbzer0.com
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      9
      arrow-down
      1
      ·
      edit-2
      1 year ago

      Tied very closely with related mindsets like “men all only want sex”, “men and women can’t be friends”, and the idea that life is basically a competitive game where the point is to promote your bloodline, acquire the status symbols you’re supposed to want, and screw over everyone else.

    • CoffeeJunkie@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      5
      ·
      1 year ago

      Is it gauging of worth, though, or is it simply a statement? It’s clear to me he has some unhealthy, incorrect attitudes towards sex (“prime teen pussy”, wtf), however I can also relate to base feelings of “desperation” due to lack of getting laid.

      I’m not gauging my worth at all; I’m worth enough. I’m secure in who I am, confident enough, etc. But I can observe that there’s been no rain in the valley for 7-ish years & I can factually say, “This lack of sex fucking sucks”.

  • TheDarksteel94@sopuli.xyz
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    43
    ·
    1 year ago

    It’s not even funny how many people still equate “having sex” with something everyone has to do AT LEAST ONCE before they’re 18. That’s a super dangerous mindset.

    • VicFic!@iusearchlinux.fyi
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      4
      ·
      1 year ago

      Aah, luckily that mentality hasn’t spread over to my country. Otherwise I would be really fucked (in the figurative negative sense, not the literal)

  • Kusimulkku@lemm.ee
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    9
    ·
    1 year ago

    I’m said it there so many times when people are after girlfriends: start from some interest where you meet other people.