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I love starting projects. The problem arises with actually working on them.
In my case, finishing them.
Planning projects: 😁
Starting projects: 🫤
Continuing projects: 🙄
Finishing projects: 🤢
I’d put starting projects at 🙂 provided I like them. Otherwise, spot on.
The only way I’m able to get anything done is through a combination of tricking myself and gaslighting my brain
Living with ADHD is like being chained to a small, spastic toddler who refuses to let you do your work *until you do what they ask *, no matter how dumb it is.
Yes, I’m looking up the history of Paw Patrol. Yes, I was supposed to be cleaning. No, I cannot switch. We’re looking up Power Puff Girls next.
Just an FYI, that usage of “spastic” is considered an ableist slur. You can use “erratic” in its place.
Excuse me, I consider erratic to be an ableist slur. You can use “all over the fucking place” in its place.
/s
The problem with me trying to gaslight my brain is that I know the guy doing the gaslighting and he’s an asshole who is not to be trusted.
No he’s not. You just made that up. Its going to be different this time, I swear
Don’t believe his lies.
Smart enough to come up with some neat tricks.
Also smart enough to see through those tricks.
Ugh, I have ADHD and it still frustrates me that my kiddo won’t do things even though I understand how hard it is. Sometimes I wonder if I am more mad at myself for being a hypocrit than her resistance.
I thought having grown up with ADD and having developed my own coping mechanisms and strategies would help me raise an ADD child. Holy shit it is so hard.
I believe it’s called internalized ablism. Adopting the belief structures of neurotypicals because for most of our lives we didn’t know that there was any other way. It’s a lot of work digging those roots out of there.
“I need to get up to go to work. If I keep lying here, I’m cutting into my time. I’m already awake, so I just need to get up. Get up. Please?”
…Naaahhhhhh
Actually, today is the perfect day to start the thing!
Well, it WOULD be, but I have plans with friends in 6 hours so today is totally shot to hell. Plus I need to rest and recover from the stress of thinking about the thing all day yesterday.
How do you get over this? I’m sort of killing my freelance work by doing this right now
Im not diagnosed but I find a lot of the things posted apply to me. I mean if its the same thing and if you mean get over it permanent then I don’t think that will happen. Im like pretty old and it still happens and it can get done but its like moving through molasses and you have to have it as a high priority. If you do anything you must do this thing. You are not allowed to do anything else till it gets done. Do anything at all towards it. Get the website open, gather the info you need. Just plan out what you need to do and put it somewhere (emails to myself are my go to). Anything at all towards doing it is good. anything else bad. hammer hammer hammer your brain. I know I hate it, I know it depresses me, but the buck stops here. Im the adult. Im resposible to support myself and others. They will suffer if I do not and it will be my fault. No way I know to make it easy.
I found that this is also a sign of mental overload, probably PTSD. I KNOW I will have to interact with people, p.e. write a fucking letter, but my people interaction batteries are totally drained from work/kid/wife/whatever. For me it is a sign that my brain/self just can not do this task. Probably think about what general category your task falls in and think about that respective battery level. Might not help to do the task, but to get to know the reason to why not.
yeah basically even thinking around the task can help. anything that can plink down what needs doing. every inch counts in the race.
Most use adhd medication
I don’t know if this is related to ADHD or something else, but I’ve found that just communicating with someone can help me move things along. Up to just now I’ve assumed it was a problem solving help, but thinking about it in this context makes me wonder if it’s actually a motivation thing.
Like I know I need to do something but am not sure what to do next, so I seek help with the problem but then don’t want to make it seem like I haven’t tried any of the obvious approaches, which are suddenly also obvious to me.
I’ve found this works even without needing to actually do the communication. Like if I’m writing an email instead of a chat, I’ll get the same effect.
If you’re freelancing on your own, maybe make up an imaginary colleague that can help with many problems but will judge if you just offload your problems onto them without even trying. Or try it with an AI assistant, since they can actually participate in the back and forth and might even have real solutions to offer.
That might help at least for the problems like, “I should be doing this thing but it seems too hard because I haven’t yet thought it through to the point where I know what the next step is”.
I don’t really know how to explain it but I just start doing whatever it is “automatically”. Like I take my brain out of the equation and just start doing it. This is only moderately effective and works a lot better with physical tasks like exercising but it’s the only way I get things done some times. I should probably be medicated but that requires making an appointment, going to a doctor and talking about my problems which so far has not been something I can force myself to do.
You could try the pomodoro method, or gamification techniques. Medication helps immensely though
Find work that you don’t feel inclined to avoid.
I went from being a freelance software developer to being an uber driver and I’m more industrious now than anyone else I know.
I feel like software development is the worst job for us with ADHD. Like, I am very good at it, to the point where I am generally regarded as being the most skilled developer on any team I’ve worked on, except for the part where I struggle to actually do the god damn work.
Ive noticed that low-brain work is a lot easier to get myself to do. Its like my brain is lazy but my body isnt. Last spring I dug up 125 sqft of grass, lined it with decorative bricks, spread several 100lbs of topsoil, and sowed wildflowers. And before that I busted up 30 feet of sidewalk with a sledghammer and spread 3 cubic yards of fill dirt. All required basically zero brainpower. But godforbid i have to concentrate for 2 hours to diagnose and fix a bug at work! If I could get paid a software dev salary to shovel dirt for 8 hours a day I would in a heartbeat.
Uber driving sounds nice tbh. Phone tells you where to go and what to do. No brain needed.
Queue neurotypicals saying “have you tried using a planner?”
Holy shit. So many DayTimer books that were completely empty. I started telling my mom not to buy them once I hit high school. I knew they would just be carried around for the year, and then thrown out never having had a single note recorded in them.
Funny how using planners was an integral part to my therapy to cope with adhd. The thing is that I had to be taught and learn through cognitive behavioural therapy how to do that and how to make sure it actually helps me instead of just being another stressor.
All that to say “just use a planner” is terrible advice but not because planners are the enemy of the adhd brained person. Just wanted to say that in case anybody reading this goes into therapy and dismisses the notion because it’s become a bit of a meme around here.
Did you try journaling though? 🤔
It’s not that I can’t journal, it’s that journaling isn’t part of my routine. And introducing new things into my routine is a Herculean feat. My doctor recently added a medication that I’m supposed to only take while I’m eating dinner… After 20 years of taking all my daily meds in the morning while I brush my teeth… I can tell you I’m missing at least half my doses.
I was joking, just to be sure.
The absolute worst part is that planners really do work, but hot damn is it hard to use them.
Aw shit my planner is upstairs. Oh well.
Or “just write it down”
I find the writing down part is easy, looking at it again in the future, now that’s something else.
I can’t do the thing! I’m in middle of doing this other thing! Yeah it sucks that I can’t do the thing, but when the hell am I going to get around to do that thing? “Oh you can do it whenever, it takes so little effort—” No. Shut. Up.
“Hey could you do the thing?”
Reading this while VERY MUCH having to do a thing that very much isn’t being done right now has me feeling some type of way
Ironic that I’m reading this while lying in bed, even though I know I should clean up my living room. Anyway, if you’ll excuse me I’ll continue scrolling and feeling awful while doing so.
— People with ADHD who found that inquiring deeply into why they don’t do the thing has been the most effective treatment for the ADHD.
Nonono it’s dark down there, I don’t want to go
True, introspection can help a lot. Therapy is even better
I can be improving myself right now.
Everything is in place to do the thing, but you keep getting filibustered
just have a todo list bro
I have three of them, and I’m still struggling!
holy shit!!!
You should probably try a little harder.
